Work, work, and more work, each day at school we’re assigned more and more. These one-hour classes are filled with knowledgeable information that just latches itself to every last bit of me. By the time school is over, the last thing that I want to do is homework. By then, I just want to “cruz” in my room… my querencia.
The school bell rang and I rushed out of the welcoming door, and watched kids race home. The warm sunlight landed gently on my skin, while the cool breeze played with my hair. I quickly walked to the silver Honda pilot where my mom was waiting for me. It was the “Norm”, “hi, how was your day?”, “Fine” I exhaustedly replied. Today I cut it short and immediately got into the car so that we could begin our journey home.
Before entering my room I could already smell a bit of AXE body spray. I opened the door and saw my things left exactly as I left them. My TV on the right, bed in the middle, and desk on the left. My Internet TV is white backed with a glowing “Sony” emblem on the front. This TV reminds me of the late nights viewing huge pictures on Facebook with my friends. A simple wooden frame with a khaki mattress atop lies in the center of my room. The useful couch/bed allows for much needed space adjustments in my, homey, cramped room. My small sepia brown desk cluttered with random items, the messiest but most memorable part of the room. This desk has everything from my black mid sized tower PC, to old essays about evaporation. It even has old project parts such a three-millimeter LED’s from my homemade flashlight. It houses my tools, blue piggy bank, and miscellaneous screws.
The one place I can “cruz” my room… my querencia.
Very good sensory detail! I could practically picture the place in my mind. I really liked "This TV reminds me of the late nights viewing huge pictures on Facebook with my friends" it really tells the reader some memories behind your room. One thing that you could add to your essay is some more reasons why this place is your querencia. But other then that your essay is very good!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your draft. There was sensory detail describing your room and how you felt after school. I could relate to your draft because I have that feeling sometimes. You need to describe on how your room is a sactuary to you after a long day at school.
ReplyDeleteHi Dustin,
ReplyDeleteI agree with your teammates taht you have some good sensory detail to describe your room. I also agree with them that it seems to need more. Christian used the word "sanctuary" and that is what you seem to need, judging from the description at the beginning. So the details you select and the way you organize them should focus on this idea and should build this effect, a contrast to the atmosphere that you set at the beginning...
mrs s